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Monthly Archives: November 2016

Trust is Foundational For Relationship

I do know and understand how being in wrong relationships can jade a person and cause them to be guarded. I also understand that it takes time and work on our parts to do the work to heal our broken hearts so when love presents itself again we are wiser in our choices and willing and able to take the intelligent risk not only to love again but to trust that someone means us good. It takes discernment to see beyond what you see in a person and what they say. This is crucial when making the decision to trust. Never go against your gut instinct when it is telling you something is not right with someone. Take care with your heart. This is not about throwing caution to the wind. Trust creates a safe landing place for the heart. Let’s look at the definition one piece at a time:

o Confidence – The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
o Reliance – Confident or trustful dependence
o Resting of the mind – Being relaxed in thought, not anxious
o Integrity – The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
o Veracity – Habitual observance of truth in speech or statement; truthfulness
o Justice – A concern for justice, peace, and genuine respect for people
o Friendship – A relationship of mutual affection between people

All of the above words are necessary for trust to be established and solidified. To begin to build trust takes time and requires patience with the process of relationships (See my second article in this series to go into detail about Stages of Relationships). Once someone places trust in you and you place trust in someone, honor and value that. When trust is rooted and established it brings confidence with it. Whether trusting God and people. Isaiah 30:15 makes that point; For the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel has said this, “In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and confident trust is your strength.” There is an assurance that shows you, you can rely on the one trusted and it brings a quietness that brings a resting of the mind. Integrity is the cornerstone for truth and honesty. There is a level of integrity that comes with trust and a veracity for honest and open communication. The bond of trust creates vulnerability; a genuine care and concern, respect for the one loved, that’s extending justice for their well-being. Once trust is given and deeply rooted in the relationship there’s a friendship developed and a bond not easily broken. You have moved beyond the superficial. There have to be trust for any relationship to thrive. Know without trust there is no relationship, because trust and love are the foundation for every relationship.

Fire Burning in Marriage

Keeping it fresh.

In order to avoid the boredom and monotony of everyday life, you should always try to come up with new and exciting ways to keep your relationship fresh. You can remember what was the burning fuel of your relationship when you were newly in love and start from there. For example if you are used to going to the same old restaurant, try a new one. You can also take a vacation somewhere and seek to try something new while you are there.

Taking Stock.

This simply means that the relationship you are in should have more positives than negatives. When you get into marriage, you go into it with expectations that it will meet some needs e.g. companionship. It’ s always good to sometimes take time to reflect and see if your relationship is being steered in the right direction. This will always help you in finding out if there is a problem somewhere if you are not getting what you intended to get from the marriage.

Seeking help.

Some issues often prove to be more difficult to solve than others. If you find that you are fighting over one issue recurrently with no solution, maybe it is time to involve a third party. Such conflicts include finances and parenting decisions. You can always seek help from a counsellor on such matters before things get out of hand.

Stay Connected in LDR

While you’re apart take the time and make the effort to communicate at least once a day, more often if you can. You can maintain an emotional connection with communication that is brief and frequent. They don’t have to be long, in-depth heart-to-heart conversations but can be short text messages about your day, asking advice or just telling your partner that you are thinking about them.

Let’s not be stalkish or smothering about it though. Calling or texting every hour, waking them up before the alarm clock or ordering pizza to be sent to their place for dinner at night is a bit much. Instead, aim for substantial and detailed communications about your thoughts, asking questions, asking advice or telling about what happened to you that day.

But, let’s face it. After a bit, text messages and phone calls can get tedious. So break the mold and make a video for your partner. Use your phone to tape yourself driving to work, while the phone is in the passenger seat aimed at you. Chat with the phone like your partner is sitting in the seat next to you.

Write a love letter. The art of snail mail is failing in our society today. And yet, there is something so much more personal and loving about a piece of paper held in your hand. Write a thank you note to your partner for listening to you while you ranted about your boss. Or write an invitation to your next rendezvous.

Try to visit each other as often as possible. Long distance can mean a 30 minute trip or a 10 hour trip. Online dating has made meeting people from across the country easier than ever. Before this you had to actually get in the car and drive somewhere to see the Rocky Mountains and meet a cowboy! Schedule as much time together as you can and spend it with other people. We live in community and when you spend it together with other people, you actually get to know each other better.

Alternate who does the traveling. It might be easier for one of you to travel than the other, but it’s important that you both put in the effort to see each other. Otherwise the one doing all the traveling may grow to resent the one not traveling. If you can both get away, try meeting somewhere in the middle occasionally. You won’t be able to spend time with friends, but it’s a nice way to disconnect from everyday life and connect with your partner. Just don’t let it be the only way you meet, or your understanding of life together will be seen through rose colored glasses.

Mature Daters

Be Yourself

Without any doubt, you should make a great impression. However, you must not overdo it. As a matter of fact, you should not act or look like someone you are not. In other words, you should be yourself at all times. Your personality has its own charm. With time, the other person will develop a liking for you, which will go a long way.

Don’t be too personal

You have to be neutral when it comes to talking to each other. In other words, you should not ask too many personal questions. In the same way, you should not disclose too much of personal information when spending time together. What you need to do is talk about general stuff like current news, hobbies, political developments and celebrities, just to name a few. The purpose of your first date is to be frank with each other in order to develop a rapport.

Let the other person talk

You don’t have to do all the talking. While conversation is one of the best icebreakers, you don’t have to start a conversation all the time. In other words, you should also let the other person talk. You should be a good listener and give the other person the attention he or she deserves.

Just relax

Before your first date, you should be relaxed. While the lack of thought has resulted in dates that have failed, too much of thinking can also cause a lot problems. You don’t have to invest a great deal of effort to plan your date. The purpose of your first meet-up should be to have fun.