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Monthly Archives: March 2017

Get Man To Commit To You

Get A Life

Men are very visual creatures. As much as you might rant and rave about backing off from your relationship if your man does not commit, he will not take you seriously unless he sees some action. Therefore, get a life of your own and show him that you can be independent without him, and that you have the ability to enjoy life on your own. When you show him by your actions that you do not need him in order to be fully happy, then he is more likely to commit to you.

Make decisions of your own and spend some time with your girl friends. If you man begins to feel that you are slowly drifting away from him, then he will begin to think of ways to get you to commit, so that you will remain with him.

Set Standards For Yourself

Some women feel that a man would want to marry them if they cater to every whim of his. While you do not need to hold out on him for every single thing, and while you do not need to be absolutely critical of everything that he wants, set some standards for yourself too. Don’t be a doormat.The more accommodating you are, the more your man will tend to take advantage of you, consciously or unconsciously.

End Up in Toxic Relationships

You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical involvement tends to cloud one’s mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.

It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: “Do I respect and admire this person?” This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.

Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.
Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.

Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you.
Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There’s a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions.” A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.

You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.
If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.

Deal With Jealousy

Jealousy needs to be expressed in relationship, but expressed in the right manner. And here are some of the reasons why I believe so:

1) It’s in our nature to be jealous, and it’s also in our nature to express our jealousy. Because keeping it inside, will typically lead to unresolved jealousy feelings, that would later on turn into deeper problems, constant fights, doubts and worries.

However by communicating our jealousy to our partner, we are able to clarify it, and thus let go of those tense feelings.

2) Expressed in a right way – jealousy means that you love your partner. You know what women say “If he’s jealous, it means he loves me”.

3) Not expressing your jealousy, means giving permission to your girlfriend to continue behaving the same way.

The Right Way To Express Your Jealousy
Healthy Jealousy

So, what I am telling you here is that it’s okay to be jealous, it’s okay to show it, but you have to do it in a healthy way.

By avoiding the extremes I mean:

Avoiding the extreme of being totally indifferent about her accepting attention from, or paying too much attention to, other men. This is the indifference extreme, and it means that you don’t want to accept her behaving in ways that could potentially make you jealous.

And avoiding the extreme of being overly jealous and becoming needy as a result. It means avoiding to behave like an adolescent, and constantly complaining about her going out too much, calling her 10 times a day, being overly controlling and fighting about any potential jealousy issues.

Expressing Your Jealousy In A Healthy Way

In my experience, expressing your jealousy in a healthy way, means following the next 5 steps…

1) Point out the situation that makes you feel jealous. Let’s say she’s receiving a text message from a guy while you’re talking on Skype.

2) Ask her if there’s anything that you should be jealous about, and let her explain what is that message all about.

3) Ask her: If I’d would be doing the same thing, in this case if I’d get a message from a girl, how would you feel? Normally, she’d admit that a similar situation would make her jealous too.

Note: You ask her this question in order to help her understand that the given situation is not very comfortable, and it would better if it would be avoided for the future.

4) Explain her why this situation makes you feel jealous, and let her know that you want her to be only yours. Something like:

“It makes me think that you’re flirting with other guys and plants doubts in my head. I don’t want to doubt your faithfulness, okay? You are my girl, and for this relationship to work I need to know that I can trust you.”

5) Let her assure you that you have nothing to be jealous about and then move on. Forget about it, and don’t bring it up anymore.

You must know Dating is Important

1) People get the opportunity to learn about themselves, others, and relationships before commitment. This provides a safe context. One gets time to discover the opposite sex and skills on issues of relationship. This must be done around people who care about you. This may include your parents, friends, youth pastor, coach, and others.

2) Provides a context for working through issues. That which people value now may change overtime. What you value now may not be good for you in the future. So dating allows you to discover your long term values. You might not marry the person you first loved. Why? Some changes take place as you discover yourself.

3) Relationship skills are built

Some necessary skills are not learned in families. A lot of work and skills are required in intimate relationships. Communications, trust, listening, sacrifice and honesty issues arise during the dating period. You become aware of your immaturity. You get to learn about relationship and how one function in a relationship.

4) It heals and repairs

Some people pass through hurts when they are young. They may have missed an opportunity to be loved. You find that they never experienced love. During dating they start feeling loved and accepted. That way they receive healing from someone that accepts and nurture them. The interesting thing is that many people do not marry their first love. This first relationship tends to be an environment for growth and healing to some. These singles get prepared for their final love relationship.

5) Dating is relational and has value in itself.

Some people use others selfishly in dating. They use it for self-gratification. However, some enjoy knowing the other person. So they give and receive in a godly way, interestingly not in a way that leads to marriage. Unmarried people do not share parts of themselves as they are expected to restrain from sexual intimacy. That is true love. Love that rushes to sex before knowing each other and getting married later is not true love.

6) You get to know your likes and dislikes in the opposite sex

There is so much that one learns about relationships during dating. One might desire to get something opposite what he experienced from relationship in a family situation. But he may discover that for a love relationship there is more than what he is making up for. You may discover that the attributes you thought you needed are not necessarily what is good for you.

7) You learn self-control and delay of some other gratifications

Some people think that a love relationship is just about sex. Sex needs to be forgone in dating. First learn to relate and to care for each other without sex. Once you mature in that first, there will be fewer problems once you get married. After getting married you can then climax your love with sex. Let there be boundaries in your dating and that will protect both of you. There is time for everything according to Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”