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Deal With Jealousy

Jealousy needs to be expressed in relationship, but expressed in the right manner. And here are some of the reasons why I believe so:

1) It’s in our nature to be jealous, and it’s also in our nature to express our jealousy. Because keeping it inside, will typically lead to unresolved jealousy feelings, that would later on turn into deeper problems, constant fights, doubts and worries.

However by communicating our jealousy to our partner, we are able to clarify it, and thus let go of those tense feelings.

2) Expressed in a right way – jealousy means that you love your partner. You know what women say “If he’s jealous, it means he loves me”.

3) Not expressing your jealousy, means giving permission to your girlfriend to continue behaving the same way.

The Right Way To Express Your Jealousy
Healthy Jealousy

So, what I am telling you here is that it’s okay to be jealous, it’s okay to show it, but you have to do it in a healthy way.

By avoiding the extremes I mean:

Avoiding the extreme of being totally indifferent about her accepting attention from, or paying too much attention to, other men. This is the indifference extreme, and it means that you don’t want to accept her behaving in ways that could potentially make you jealous.

And avoiding the extreme of being overly jealous and becoming needy as a result. It means avoiding to behave like an adolescent, and constantly complaining about her going out too much, calling her 10 times a day, being overly controlling and fighting about any potential jealousy issues.

Expressing Your Jealousy In A Healthy Way

In my experience, expressing your jealousy in a healthy way, means following the next 5 steps…

1) Point out the situation that makes you feel jealous. Let’s say she’s receiving a text message from a guy while you’re talking on Skype.

2) Ask her if there’s anything that you should be jealous about, and let her explain what is that message all about.

3) Ask her: If I’d would be doing the same thing, in this case if I’d get a message from a girl, how would you feel? Normally, she’d admit that a similar situation would make her jealous too.

Note: You ask her this question in order to help her understand that the given situation is not very comfortable, and it would better if it would be avoided for the future.

4) Explain her why this situation makes you feel jealous, and let her know that you want her to be only yours. Something like:

“It makes me think that you’re flirting with other guys and plants doubts in my head. I don’t want to doubt your faithfulness, okay? You are my girl, and for this relationship to work I need to know that I can trust you.”

5) Let her assure you that you have nothing to be jealous about and then move on. Forget about it, and don’t bring it up anymore.